The Gift You Give When Listening


Have you ever really listened to someone? Have you ever really stopped, got out of yourself, opened up a space and really listened to someone? It’s an experience unlike any other – an experience that maybe you have never truly felt for yourself. Maybe you’ve never really quite given to another human being before.

There is something really special in this.

Imagine being really listened to! Imagine what it would be like if someone is holding a space just for you, listening to you beyond hearing your words and beyond themselves, but listening to YOU.

Imagine if that person is totally opening up, getting themselves out of the way so that they can hear you, so that it can be all about you.

It’s almost hard to imagine because we are not used to that!

Whenever we talk to people, whether we are aware of it or not, we tend to listen through a filter of ourselves. Somehow, the conversations always turn back around to be about us. We think about ourselves while we are listening to the person speaking, have our own feelings come up and then react on them. Innocently swaying the conversation our way.

Something really remarkable and interesting about being a great coach is being able to be available for someone else with the ‘you’ out of that conversation… making yourself fully available to listen to the other person. It’s one of the biggest gifts that comes with a coaching conversation… and it’s something that you too can benefit from in all of your relationships.

Holding that space for someone really opens up a deep connection because when you’re listening, it has nothing to do with you… and it has everything to do with them.

When you are able to be in a place where you genuinely hear the other person with the you filter out of the way and just allow yourself to be curious about them, the other person ends up experiencing being heard in a way that they’ve never been heard before. Not only listened to but heard and in turn, understood, validated and all you did was listen. You opened up that space, connected to them and listened without your judgments, without it being about you and your experience, without your advice; it was just about them.

It’s one of the best gifts you can offer a person, and it’s really rare to find people who can come from that place. It’s what people pay coaches for.

Can you imagine at work really listening to those who worked with you? Can you imagine in your relationship with your spouse if you really listened to them… and if they really listened to you? Can you imagine with your children if they listened to you, and, if you could really listen to them? What would that look like? What do you think it would give you both?

It opens up something really new and deep within that relationship, not just for the person being heard but also for the person listening. It brings you to a different level within yourself, being able to be in that place for somebody else and it allows that other person to really connect with you. Bringing awareness, trust, and confidence into that relationship.

About the Author

Zaina Della Porta helps high achievers maximize their potential, create self-awareness and possibilities, to take inspired and bold actions within a serene state of clarity, confidence and flow.

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